Great Wave off Osaka

I’d have no luck at all. That’s how I feel some days. I’m very use to the random Japanese person deciding to physically attack me with an umbrella, their bags, their floppy penis…etc but from other foreigners I expect a little better. Now my two experiences were more verbal attacks than physical but really what’s the difference?
My first time was about 4 years ago on the Osaka loop line on my way home from the most tedious job ever (as an ALT). I was reading a book, I feel I should note it was a paperback because this was before I started using my phone and iPad- I miss the feel of a good paperback most days, and I hear this group of people loudly get onto the train. I don’t usually pay attention but the sound of English being spoken does always set your heart a flutter! So I gaze up to see a family who were do obviously American. They were talking about how annoying do few things were in English (now we are in Osaka- mostly everything is translated or in Romanji). They then see me and the mom gives me a tight smile and says “hola”. Now I am a bit perplexed but give a polite hola back and return to my book. She then turns to her husband and whispers not so quietly that, “even in Japan, they can’t get away from those wet backs.” for those of you who may not know, wetback is a derogatory term for a Mexican because they swim across the rio grande river to get to America from Mexico. Clever isn’t it?!? Anyway, one I don’t really look Mexican- at least I don’t think so but that’s not really the issue. Why the hell would you even say that kind of thing? All I could do was look at her with a disgusted look. This was one of the few times I have been stunned into silence. Not when I was flashed by the floppy penis guy, not when I was 8 months pregnant and a man decided to hump my leg on a packed train, not when a man attacked me with his umbrella, but something about the ignorance of that comment made a come back difficult to find. has that happened to you?

Story two happened on Thursday morning. I live close to Kansai airport so we have many tourist come through here. Well I was walking to the train station and I bumped into a woman and I apologized in Japanese and kept walking. I then hear, “stupid fat bitch can’t even say sorry” more bitching about me but what I realized was it was all in Spanish so I turn around and say I understand you in Spanish and they go own muttering how I don’t understand them. So I string along a pretty filthy curse phrase in Spanish which stuns them an I walk on.
But it’s fine to talk about people especially when you think they don’t understand, hell I do it all the time but be prepared to say it to the persons face when they do. Again I say things whether you can or can’t understand me.
Arg, gotta head into work now

There are moments in your life when you can’t express how you are feeling inside and you are going to explode.  I am not very good at expressing how I feel to other people much less to myself but one of the few ways I’ve found is through music. Let me first say that I do not have a musical bone in my body- I am tone deaf (certified) which breaks my heart considering how much I love music. Hell I got my masters degree studying the castrati singers of the 16th century. I remember in grad school, I took a class in the music department about the baroque era which is where the castrati fit in.  All the other students were pretty much specialists in music and there was I- the lonely history student fumbling around. Anyway, the majority of our grade (80%) lied with our final project which we presented to the class.  I remember this pretty sexy cello player played a piece he composed and I was brought to tears- it was beautiful. Then came my turn and I talked about what made the castrati voice so beautiful and haunting. I played a recording of soprano’s and the only recording of a castrati (Alessando Moreshi)- I had a pretty kick ass power point and I edited an avant garde video.  Anyway, my classmates were all very nice to me and helped me out with the thingsI was unable to do or understand and they gave me good feedback but my teacher  basically tore me a new hole because I mispronounced Bach’s name (she over exaggerated the guttural K sound. I still remember her patronizing BACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH). Bitch. She also mentioned how my video missed certain beats that I couldn’t possibly understand because I wasn’t musical…  Anyway- no idea why I went off on a tangent with that story. Oh wait, I remember now- for someone who can never truly appreciate music, I seem to use it as a way to express myself. does that make sense?

Anyway, back to the point of everything. When I was going through my one and only horrible breakup- the song that brought me out of my depression was, The Beatles Eleanor Rigby.  The music has a lovely haunting tone and the lyrics are amazing:

I look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

the song seemed to understand me when even I didn’t.

Other songs that have made up my soundtrack:

24 by Jem

Been given 24 hours 
To tie up loose ends 
To make amends
His eyes said it all 
I started to fall 
And the silence deafened
Head spinning round 
No time to sit down 
Just wanted to 
Run and run and run
Be careful they say 
Don’t wish life away, 
Now I’ve one day….

The Stone- Dave Matthews Band (even the music is gorgeous)

I’ve this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I’m in too deep?
Now I’ve been praying
For some way to show them
I’m not what they see
Yes, I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear

Oh, Unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
Oh, but this weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want

and more recently-

Sinnerman by Nina Simone

Oh Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Where you gonna run to?
All on that day
Well I run to the rock, please hide me
I run to the rock,please hide me
I run to the rock, please hide me, Lord
All on that day
But the rock cried out, I can’t hide you
The rock cried out, I can’t hide you….

So, has this happened to anyone else? If so, what songs are part of your soundtrack?

I participated in Little Red Farm’s cultural exchange. I was paired up with 4 wonderful ladies and their children from Michigan, America, Pennsylvania, America, British Columbia, Canada and Valencia, Spain.

I know Mirai is still too young to enjoy the packages but I will be using them in my class when I start teaching in April and Mirai will get to enjoy them as she grows older. It was really difficult to decide what to send because there is a lot that you can do but only so much space in an envelope. I really didn’t want to be too stereotypical (sushi, manga..etc) there is more to Japan than that.

Here are the packages all ready to ship out with a very grumpy Mirai (she had her BCG shot 2 days ago and she hasn’t slept well since):

 
The papers in the top left-hand corner are photos of Mirai at her 1 month ceremony and 100 days with explanations about them.  Then a sheet on the brief highlights of Japan. Next is a cup of rice and a package of pokemon curry- the kids love eating that stuff and I hope everyone enjoys it.  Then a package of furikake (to put on top of rice). There is play money and coins which I just realized I forgot to add the other ones- it only has 10, 1 and 50 yen. SORRY!  The pink thing are little items wrapped in a furoshiki ( a square piece of traditional Japanese wrapping cloth that was used to transport clothes, gifts, or other goods.). Lastly, there is the story of the Thousand origami cranes and Sadako Sasaki, then directions on how to fold one plus an example and some origami paper.

This is what I included in the furoshiki, 2 chocolate 5 yen coins, erasers of japanese food, ramen snack and 2 pictures of old style art plus chopsticks.

The  I wrote all the kids’ names in katakana, then included how to write hiragana plus little photos of words that start with each letter and tracing hiragana.

Then I told the story of Setsubun and included the beans and coloring sheet of oni. Also a photo of my dad playing oni in America.

Last I included a sand art craft.

Also realized I forgot to add the photos of food, of Hyogo (the area I am living in) and pamphlets. I am really sorry ladies!! i was rushing in between trying to move!

It’s that time of year again where companies decide to disrupt families lives and move their workers. This time last year, my husbands company decided to move him to the far end of hyogo just as we bought land and built our house. So off we went to find a place and move all in 2-3 weeks. They told us we would be here for 3-5 years which we resigned ourselves too but that would not be the case. They lost their contract with their workplace and now everything is up in the air. My husbands manager said its about 80% sure that we can move back to our house which is fabulous news. Mirai gets to finally live in the room that I decorated for her before she was a twinkle in my eye. I’m very happy about this news but as with the wisdom of Japanese people, we don’t find out for sure until the 2nd to last or last week of march. At which time we have to move out and Toshi starts work at the new place April 1st. Do they seriously think it is ok to leave something like that to the last moment? I return to work at the same time and we can’t be fiddling around packing and unpacking like that. It’s bull shit. I’m quite angry but my complacent husband seems fine with the decision and tells me I need to just deal with it, bastard. I think I’m just in a pissy mood at the moment for various reasons.

You would digest food for me
But then you only caused pain
I couldn’t eat chocolate or anything good
Only rice, fish and more rice
Why oh why I asked night after night
But now that you’re gone I miss you but not the pain

Yeah I know I’m not a poet nor do I have any real talent for writing but I tried to convey the emotions I feel. haha anyway

I will tell the tale of the worst hospital with the nicest nurses. So I found out that I needed my gallbladder out about a week and a half ago. They told me they wanted it out ASAP and do I as scheduled for an appointment before I flew to America. Initially I wanted to wait until after America but my gallbladder (affectionately called gally from now on) would have none of it. I nada few appointments for the pre op procedures. I had many blood tests where they told me my cholesterol was high but I had many blood tests before and after pregnancy and I was always normal. I was a bit concerned at this new development. Though I have been slightly addicted to Oreo’s since Mirai was born so I did a bit of research (aka google) and I found out that the creamy goodness is actually lard mixed with sugar. Well no wonder my cholesterol jumped. I promptly threw the bad of Oreos I had in my secret stash out ( though I am embarrassed to say I did go back to eat them because it was wasteful and it was my last goodbye to my old friend Oreo’s).
On the 17th I was admitted to the hospital- I have no idea why in Japan they force you to come a day before but I think it’s just to take my money. I had to get a private room (4 times the amount of a 4 person room and double the amount of a 2 person room) but I needed to have Mirai stay with me. I had gone over what medicine that I would take so that I could still breastfeeding and I also went over my SEVERE allergy to a pain medicine called Demerol (we had a hell of a time to find the medical name in Japan where one doctor said confidently that they don’t use it here). Each doctor (anesthesiologist, surgeon and normal doctor) all ok’ed everything, this is key to remember later on.
That night I just rested and worried, the next morning I was given a horrible burning enema (sorry for too much information) and I met with the doctors one more time. At noon I was hooked up to an IV and then at 145pm I was taken from my room to downstairs to the operating room. I was told that it should be an easy procedure so about 30 minutes. I was then hooked up to a few monitors and then they put in the nice lovely sleeping medicine and told to say my ABCs ( usually they have you count but hey it was easy). I started and I think I made it to e but next thing I know I’m waking up to Toshi’s face and the doctors. I was very out of it, clueless really. I can’t remember much, it’s all hazy but I remember the pain. It was very difficult to take a deep breath so i was given an oxygen mask. I asked to have some pain medicine and the nurses comes back with a shot and says I won’t be able to feed Mirai for a few hours after. I said sorry to Mirai but give me the medicine! But thank god I asked her to make sure it wasn’t the kind I was allergic to. She gave me a blank look, allergy!? What the fuck! I mentioned my allergy 80 times plus it’s all over my paperwork. Apparently one of the doctors didn’t share the information because they don’t use that medicine here. So the nurse rushes off to talk to the pharmacist and this takes over an hour while I am in horrible pain with no kind of relief. I could feel everything, I was crying a lot and I don’t usually cry even when in pain but this was overwhelming. Two hours later the nurse comes back and said the initial medicine she was going to give me was in the same family as my allergy and so I can’t use it. She gives me a ‘strong’ medicine in my IV but it barely does much. I slept maybe 3 hours that whole night while hearing poor Mirai crying cause she couldn’t use a bottle, she ended up only using a cup to feed. I’m pissed because I could’ve fed her since the damn meds are worthless. We asked the nurse if I could have morphine which I know works for me since I had it for my knee surgery years ago (this was also the time I found out my allergy). The nurse said I can’t have morphine because there was a chance I couldn’t breathe. What!?!
The the night of horrible pain finally passes and the next day I wait for the doctor to come visit me which thank god happens at 9am. I ask for morphine and he oks it and it was bliss afterwards. The pain was very manageable, had they given it to me the night before then I wouldn’t have needed anything this day. So the whole day is a little painful but much better. So presently, day 3, I haven’t had any meds ( because apparently Japan doesn’t believe people need pain medication. I’ve asked 4 times for an light one so I can still feed Mirai but they still haven’t brought it). If this was America I would pop over to the store to buy my own but alas I sit and wait with my pain. Well the doctors took more blood for tests and miraculously my cholesterol is normal now. When I got out of surgery, the doctor explained to Toshi that I had a particularly big stone that was blocking the entrance for the bile to exit from and since it had no where to go it was becoming very inflamed and infected. The doctor cut open the gallbladder in front of Toshi and showed him the inside which is usually pink organ colored but one was white from an infection. Gross is all I can say, but maybe it’s a good thing it’s out now. I am still having pain when breathing and I can’t stand up straight plus shoulder pain but I’ve heard that’s due to the carbon dioxide they pump your stomach of so they can see everything easier. Hopefully that will pass soon or going to America in 6 days won’t be happening.

Overall I would never come back to this hospital because:
A. They almost killed me because no one shared my allergy info
B. the lack of pain medicine
C. The food is shit

But on the bright side, all the nurse were so nice, they played with Mirai. One even spent 2 hours patiently trying to help Toshi feed her and gave us lots of different supplies from the nursing ward to help.

Yes, once again I’ve lost my webpage and so I return to where I once started (as in the theme), I am not feeling very creative and so I’m not bothering to make a new theme.

I began the new year with a diakichi fortune which happens to be the same I have received for the past 4 years. Lucky to say the least and each year has been great. The first I met my husband, the second I was engaged, the third I was married and now I have a baby. I am a bit frightened to know what comes next as I have everything except maybe winning the lottery. However, the new year started out great, we went to Hotel Urashima in Wakayama and it was positively amazing. There are onsens in a cave overlooking the ocean and an onsen on top of a mountain where you have to take 5 escalators to the top.

If you happen to make your way to the southern tip of Wakayama, I definitely recommend this ryokan. The food was nice as well.

Well after that wonderful break, I had some plans set but then Toshi’s uncle died and we had to make our way to our house in Izumisano and attend the funeral. While T had to attend while I took care of Mirai and so unfortunately I was able to attend. I also had another gallbladder attack and this time it was super intense, I was literally writhing around on the bed in pain while still trying to take care of Mirai.  It was truly awful, I had to wait until Toshi arrived back from work (3 am) so that he could take me to the hospital for some pain medication.  We then went to the hospital the next day, they took an MRI, CT scan, X-ray and many blood tests. They told me they would need to take out the gallbladder and the sooner the better. So I am going under the knife on the 18th.  I met with the anesthesiologist and we went through many different medications, thanks to  Kellymom.com and we found some medication that is compatible with breastfeeding. However, it does mean that my pain medication is over the counter stuff in America and thus I shall be suffering. I really wish Mirai was take the bottle but she has been resisting it for about a month now. I don’t know what happened. Any advice? I’ve bought several types of bottles but nothing seems to work.

What this whole situation with my gallbladder has taught me is that my Japanese is rubbish. I really need to learn to truly communicate and not just the half assed way I’ve gotten by.  So Toshi and I have been talking about not working this coming April but instead going to the YMCA in Kobe.  I really want to do it but my ever practical friend Z told me why it isn’t practical. Something about having a baby to take care of (if she has a fever then I would have to leave school to pick her up), I am still finishing my masters degree (set to be completed this summer) as well as working part-time (we need the money after all).  So what would you all do?

Wow, it’s been a long time since I have been able to actually sit down and write a post (the last one doesn’t count because I was doing a review of my diaper bag for a few people who wanted it).  So as of today Mirai is 6 1/2 weeks old and its been a roller coaster ride most of the time.  I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep longer than 2 hours in a row, Mirai sometimes sleeps longer than 2 hours but I am not ever in a deep sleep as I am waiting for her to wake up for a feeding.  The past week and a half- she has been going through a major growth spurt because she was feeding every hour to hour and a half! I am surprised I was able to make enough milk to keep up with her.

At Mirai’s one month check- she was 4510g and 54.7cm (at birth she was 3442g and 53.2cm).  She drinks a healthy amount and all around was in good health!  Although we have been plagued with cradle cap, it started out pretty bag on her eyebrows but I got rid of it by putting vaseline on them for 3-4 days.  But now, it has spread to her head and its pretty bad!  Does anyone have any tips on how to get rid of it?

So we have suspected that she has a cow milk allergy, and so we had our bi-weekly doctor appointment (which is not normal but i will discuss that shortly), and I asked them if they could test her for the allergy. So they took her blood and we will get the results on Friday.  I really hope she doesn’t have it because A. I really love milk and I miss being able to drink it and eating all the creamy delights and B. because I already feel that living in Japan- milk is a taboo (no one seems to drink it nor even enjoy drinking it). I want her to get a lot of calcium and I want someone else to drink with (hah milk that is).

Now on to why we  have bi-weekly visits, well in the beginning, I was discharged from the hospital but we had to leave Mirai there for 2 days. I  had originally thought it was because of her jaundice but found out later that it was because her liver count was quite high.  Normally it should be sitting at 40 but she was in the 60s (no idea what the numbers are or anything or I would explain better. If you know- please let me know!  I hate that T can’t properly explain what’s going on and I don’t know medical japanese).  So we have to go to the doctor every 2 weeks for blood tests, at our last visit- the doctor said her number went back up a little and wants to test for a few different diseases but she also said that if Mirai has a milk allergy- then it would account for the high liver count.  Also, one of the nurses told us that we shouldn’t worry because the doctor tends to be on the side of caution and overly worries about everything. She said that Mirai was young and her liver was still immature- so don’t worry!  I don’t know how to feel about that yet…

On to other less worrying news, we applied for both her Japanese and American passports- we received both within a week!! Amazing turn around time considering my friend said that the Canadian embassy was quoting 6-12 months for her son’s passport!  That seems quite excessive!  Mirai also got her American birth certificate. I will take photos of that and explain the process for someone who needs it. I wasn’t able to find many resources online.

Miyamairi (宮参り)

Mirai had hers on the 6th of November:

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You can see video of the ceremony here.

I booked mirai and my tickets to America in January. I am very nervous about traveling with a 3-4 month old especially since all the bassinets were already booked. So I will have her on my lap for the entire trip!  We are flying ANA and so if anyone has any advice, reviews of ANA with kids- please let me know! I am desperate!!!

Random news:  I won the monthly contest at Snug Australia and won a free pair of boots! Though unfortuantely I got the wrong size! Story of my life…

I have been researching diaper bags for the past month and being in Japan- my choices are very limited. I have seen some hideous Winnie the Pooh designs to very nice ones like Petunia Pickle Bottoms. But I wanted a bag that offered a comfortable fit, an area for my ipad, a large bag that could easily expand or shrink based on my needs.  I have had several Timbuk2 bags in the past and I started looking into which would be the best for my needs.   I was down to the D-Lux Messenger, Classic Messenger and the Cargo Tote.  I eventually ruled out the cargo tote because it didn’t offer the cross body strap that I needed and it wasn’t really the style I was looking for.  To be honest, my last 2 choices are very similar except the D-Lux has the laptop love glove and compression straps on the bottom of the bag. I was leaning towards that choice until I read some reviews that the compression straps hung quite low and were bulky. Also the love glove area was excellent protection for an electronic device but if you wanted to slip papers into it then they wouldn’t slip in easily and potentially could wrinkle. I do carry my ipad with me every time I leave the house- so the love glove option would be valuable but I have a good rubber case that protects my ipad well and I would also need the bag to hold paperwork- so the classic messenger fit my requirements the best. I would have purchased a custom design if I lived in America but as I live in Japan, the $30 shipping fee is too expensive in my opinion. So I made my way to Sannonmiya’s Loft and tried out the Medium and Large classic messengers.  I felt that the large would be outrageously big for my needs and so I settled on the medium.

I have been able to pack everything for an 8 hour excursion as well as additional items that I wouldn’t usually carry such as my microwave sanitizer and Avent breast pump and accessories.  Here are some photos:

Here a frontal shot of the bag, I also purchased the 3way Accessory Case which allows me to easily access my phone even while carrying Mirai in my ergo carrier.

Here is a top view of the inside of my bag.  This is what I usually carry with me on short trips.

Finally here is everything laid out near the bag. I carry 10 diapers, wipes, an extra blanket, 2 sets of clothes, breast pads, hand wipes, changing mat, bottle, ipad and extra bags. I also carry my sony alpha nex camera in the bag but I could not include of photo of that as I used the camera to take the photos. But imagine it is sitting on top of the blanket.  Inside the little pockets of the bag, I have makeup, lipstick, Vaseline, a pen, my keys, and 2 pacifiers. In addition to all of that, I keep my wallet in the napoleon pocket of the bag.  I am sorry I didn’t include a photo of the additional items but if you want to see them- then I will add them later.
Please note that the above photos are of my day to day items, I will add more photos of my longer outings which include the breast pump and all those necessities.

Overall review: the classic messenger is an excellent bag for everyone, it has enough pockets to include everything that you might need and even things that you don’t really need. All that I can really think of that would be nice, is if the Memory-adjust True Fit cam buckle had an option for left-handed people.

Considering I haven’t slept properly for over 48 hours, I just can’t find the strength or motivation to sleep now. So now is a better time than any to tell the birth story of my daughter, Mirai.

As many people already know, my due date was the 20th of September but soon that date came and went with not even a slight drop of the baby. I was taking everyone’s advice of bouncing on a yoga ball, eating endless amounts of pineapple (so much that i wasn’t able to taste other food properly), walking, sex, spicy food and other such old wives tales that didn’t absolutely nothing! Well maybe that’s not entirely true. So on the 27th of August I forced myself on my husband with the only purpose to make the baby come ( and myself of course…). That is when I started bleeding and finally my mucus plug began to leak away. The following day I had some minor cramps but nothing that made me think anything was going to happen. On Thursday i had my doctors appointment and they told me I was 2cm dilated and i was so happy, the doctor also said that I had a 60-70% chance of delivering on the weekend so he scheduled me for an inducement on the following Monday with a possible chance of a c-section because he believed the baby was too big for my gentle frame (haha the only time I have ever heard that in this country…or mine for that matter). Anyway, I was sent on my way and later that night i once again forced my poor husband to have sex, i was set on getting the baby to come ASAP. The following day (Friday) I started to have more major cramping, i was timing them and I think they were more Braxton hicks then anything. Anyway, Saturday morning at about 2:23am (I have my contraction tracker app) I woke up to come serious contractions that were ranging from 2-4-10-15 minutes intervals that finally regularized to every 5-9 minutes at around 5ish when my husband decided we should head to the hospital. He calls and makes all the arrangements, I run downstairs to tell my parents this is it and I jump in the shower. We arrive at the hospital and they check me in, and begin monitoring me- they say I’m definitely in active labor and they predict she will arrive later that night. I was both excited and scared, of course. So throughout the day, they keep checking on me, they take me in to check my dilation (still a 2 but my cervix was thinning nicely). So around 6pm when nothing was happening my parents go home and T and I wait around. I was falling asleep quite often as was T (who just got off a 16hour shift when he whisked me off to the hospital. Finally, at about 11ish the nurse comes in and says we might as well go home but they want to check my contractions and the babys heart beat one more time. They come back an hour later- as there was another lady who had arrived an hour earlier who was delivering her baby, lucky cow! Anyway, the monitor showed that I was still in active labor so they checked my dilation and found that I was a 4 at this point so they tell me stay the night. Which was filled with little to no sleep as we kept waking up every 7 minutes or so to contractions. Poor T kept waking up to rub my back and then pass out again (though he did miss a few contractions but i can’t blame the guy). So the night passes and we arrive to Sunday the 2nd of October, they let me jump in the shower or rather in my case hobble with T at my side. We took a horrible shower as it was mostly me whining at the pain and how T just wasn’t rubbing my back properly- I was pretty bitchy at times… So my parents arrive bearing random food they picked at the local Max Value, they had no idea what they were getting but thank god it was all good stuff. Everyone ate a little but I wasn’t able to all weekend, I could barely keep anything down. Most of the day was just waiting for everything to get over with, finally we got to speak to a doctor who happened to be there for another delivery (apparently there aren’t any doctors on weekends). I asked if they would induce me as I was already a day away from my appointment but he said no because there wouldn’t be more than one doctor on hand and it would endanger the baby. So in I settled again for another wait and finally at about 8pm- I had dilated to 8cm, we were finally getting somewhere. The contractions were beginning to hit pretty hard at this point, so much so i was brought to tears after a series of them. My parents left to go get some sleep as the doctor gave me discouraging news- he said I probably wouldn’t deliver until midmorning the following day. So I settled in to get some sleep but the contractions were getting closer together with sharp pains in my vjay. At midnight, the nurse came to monitor the heartbeat and contractions then she checked if I had dilated and I was at a 9. So they switched me to the delivery room, T called my parents and said it was time. They rushed over but had to sit in the waiting room. The nurse had me begin pushing at this point with the contractions, now they don’t tell you HOW to push. I swear i could feel the innards of my butt popping out each time. They just said go with it. I could tell the nurse was annoyed with how much i screamed but it wasn’t until I was about to deliver that she taught me how to push properly with each breath. Dumb bitch. Anyway, at about 130am the 3rd of October, the head was beginning to show, my water had finally burst (it was really like a balloon popping) and they started the real prep work. They emptied my bladder with a catheter which wasn’t painful at all considering. Then at about 210 the doctor made his entrance and the fun began. They pinned my legs into the stir ups and I was told to push with each contraction, the first time was fuckin painful. The head began sliding down and crowning, they told me to hold on to the handle bars near my feet and pull them towards me as i pushed (thanks for the info now). The head began to emerge and I could feel blood pouring out also. The doctor said the head was too big so he cut me about an inch and the head emerged easily. I could feel the doctor ease my skin around the head. The next contraction the shoulders came out and I could see T getting excited as he watched. Then the final contraction they had me push 3 times as the baby emerged. I can’t explain how strange the feeling is when the baby comes out, especially without any pain medicine to numb the feeling. Anyway at 248am Mirai fully emerged into the world with a hearty cry and purple skin. I wish T would’ve taken photos but he was just so excited he forgot. They threw her down on my chest and all I could think was purple people eater, then they took her away quickly and the doctor set about stitching me up and he was definitely not gentle considering the trama I’ve been through. He finally finished with an otsukaresamadeshita and left the room. T and I waited around then my parents were able to come in after getting a private showing of Mirai. They had more time with her than i did. Anyway, the nurse comes back at about 5am and tells me to go pee and then I will breast feed Mirai for the first time. ACK! I wasn’t able to pee so she stuck a catheter back inside of me and drained me (2 giant bowls full). Then swept my parent from the room and handed the baby over. She only fed for 5-8 minutes before she fell asleep, so they took her away and took me to my room. They let my parents and T say goodbye then left me there to send out brief messages to people then i finally fell asleep.

That’s it! I will write more about the day to dayness in my 7 day mandatory hospital stay later but i want to get a nap in first.

-sorry was too tired to proofread

Fort Knox

I had my past due doctor’s appointment this morning and I found out that my uterus is squeezed so tightly that apparently that I could use it to keep my valuables safe. Nothing is getting in our out. Which is quite frustrating! When will my daughter deem to grace this world with her presence?! I am not generally an impatient person but this waiting is really getting on my nerves. I know that I am only 2 days over but its been 40 weeks! Anyway, that is my self pity paragraph.

The Elderly Population

Ever since I was little, I always had a soft spot for old people- really it was a bit of an obsession. I have no idea where it started but anyway that is my weakness. I go out of my way to be overly nice to them. However, Japan really challenges my ideals when it comes to elderly people. Particularly older Japanese ladies, they really must think that they have an invisibility cloak, the way they barrel around thinking they own the area they are in.  I was at Mr. Donuts this morning (the bad news of another week and few days of pregnancy drives one to donuts you know) and it was quite packed considering it is ¥100 donut day. Anyway, I had my donuts on my tray and was waiting in the queue patiently. This old lady behind me couldn’t wait patiently to get to the donuts that were definitely NOT going to sell out. She literally pushed me, elbowed me and at one point hit my tray with hers to get me moving (not that there was anywhere to go).  Not once did she say a sumimasen, gomen nasai or give any indication that she felt anything while she rudely reached around me for her damn pon pon donut.  I finally turned around to give her a dirty look after she elbowed my belly, she looked up at me and said, “Ah gaijin, very surprising.” (I would give the japanese but my spelling is horrendous). For fucks sake…I won’t get into that ridiculous notion but I am just so sick of old ladies barreling their way through my life and ruining my idealistic views of old people. Though it was ruined once when I was a young innocent gal in high school and a perverted old man tried to touch me and talked dirty to me at a mall.  But that is a different story.

I’m not cut out to be a housewife

So I’ve been on maternity leave for the past 3 weeks and I have to say it is a boring life- yes I know once a baby is thrown in there, it won’t be but right now it is.  Anyway, I have been trying to be good with the whole cooking and cleaning bit but it is dangerous work and I want to resign! I was making kaarage the other night and it left me scarred with a horrible puss filled blister. Here’s a photo days after the healing process but the first 2 days it was hidious to look at:

Now that I look at my hand now, it isn’t as bad as I thought but it really was horrible!

Creative bug

So my 3 weeks of boringness has led me to free time to dive back into my old job as a designer of webpages and other digital things.  So I have a friend who is a youtube video blogger and he always asks me to design banners for his channel. I am always excited when he asks because I truly miss my old job.  I use to be a web programmer/designer  for many years. Well I have been wanting to do more jobs and so I have been thinking of opening a side job and design templates for blogs or  websites or anything really.  I wouldn’t charge money or anything (at least not yet) but if anyone is interested in a redesign or any type of digital jobs let me know!  I will be making a portfolio soon.

Well that is all in my life at the moment